You know me. You understand how I think, or at least I believe you do. Either way, this is probably the only clear view of me there is. And even with this fact, no matter how hard I try, I'm never where I want to be.
I believe the photo is appropriate. It has been quite a while, hasn't it? I apologize for my absence. I hope you're all well. A little recap is in order, right?
My fall semester ended terribly (by my own standards and on that note by my own fault.) The mood phase I go through affectionately called my void phase came through again and really just messed me up. Spring semester is when I'll do really well though. Better classes and all that.
I went through work drama which I'd rather not go through all over again, so null on that.
And so, Nyx isn't coming to see me any more. Parents are being all retarded and such. In all honesty, I should have expected it all things considered. Shit usually happens to me around this time of year. I'm just sick of it, you know? I'm just sick of being disappointed. For once, I just want something I look so eagerly towards to not crash and burn. I am just so done. I am just so sick and tired of being left hanging.
I just want someone to be here. He said he'd kiss me when the ball dropped. He said so much and I got so excited. I finally had someone who would tell me I was good for them even if I wasn't. I finally had someone who would make me not feel so lonely anymore. I had someone who would tell me I was beautiful and perfect. I had someone who finally saw me. Instead, I'm left again with this stabbing cliffhanger that hurts like a mother.
And on top of it, I feel like a whiny fucking bitch just bringing it up. I feel just so fucking stupid for saying all this. I shouldn't have even talked about it. Forget it, all I want to do is just drink right now.
Just another unknown out of millions letting out everything I can't. I guess here is where everything that I'm so unsure of goes as well as anything I so happen to stumble upon. Just maelstrom of thoughts and emotions, a bit of mindless writing, and a dash of nonsensical feelings.