La Licorne

Or Unicorn

I often wonder what's wrong with me. I have no drive most of the time and even though I realize the magnitude of my actions, I just can't bring myself to actually do what needs to be done. Everything is rushed and last minute despite the fact that I have all the time in the world. I ask myself "Why aren't you smart like your friends?" I mean, the people I'm surrounded by are people with majors/minors like neuroscience & biology/psychology & philosophy, advertising & psychology/women and gender studies, or pre-medical students focusing on biochemistry and psychology or something.

I know i shouldn't compare myself to them and do the best I can, except I know that I'm not doing my best. I feel like sometimes as much as I know and need to try, I really just can't. It's beyond feeling like a failure, failures at least try and don't succeed. I don't even get to the end result. I really don't know what's wrong with me...

When will things start becoming clearer?

Parfait

Or perfect

Sometimes when you wish for things, those wishes build and pile up until they finally come true. However, if you wish for the same thing over and over, that wish gets magnified by the same amount. What ends up happening is when we're together it's great but when we're apart I get vicious. There's no turning me around. So now, here is where I make my decision. Do I let it wilt like a cut flower, slowly dying, while cherishing it in the future? Or do I instead try to graft it onto my own life, trying to keep it alive?

It's hard to say when what you've wished for isn't want you wanted. It's hard to think when what you've got is what you've always dreamed of, but isn't as nice.

Future sight would be such a nice gift, even if I'm trading it for all the excitement of life.

Jamais

Or "Never"


For the short time I have been alive, I have experienced much. That which I have seen and done no doubt have created the person I am today. Yet much of what I have gone through is often experienced much later while conversely that which I have yet to experience should have already occurred.

What I mean to say is that the events that build up my life story are often ones that 'adults' experience later on in life. At the same time, the basic things I have yet to feel for myself are said to be an inevitable part of my youth. I'm only able to experience these things through images and stories shared by my friends or portrayed through the media. That which I long for seems so abundant all around me, yet still I have yet to have it for myself.

Perdu

Or lost



It's funny when something once held so dear becomes something so easily given away. The one moment imagined as something inexplicably fantastical is nothing but a mere cliche. Maybe the moment isn't what should be cherished. Maybe the person sharing the moment is what's important.

Effacer

Or erase

The higher I try to climb, the further I slide down. Two steps forward and three steps back. It seems in some twisted way I've been buried under despite my careful planning. Little by little, chipping away at the mountain, a reprieve is all I desire. Empty is how I want my plate, full is the reality. One more day, just pushing through. I suppose sometimes your speed is stuck at slow.

Le Pire

Or the worst

No matter how much you realize it, no matter how much you say you must, there will always be a difference between thinking and doing.

Because of that, I need to let you go.

Épais

Or Thick

Try as I might, it's just spread on too thick. All the little rivulets of understanding are getting filled in and somewhere the seashell message is getting lost. I swear if you could find it and put it to your ear, you would hear what you need to hear. Just know that no matter how hard it is, what you need to hear isn't always what you want to hear.