Saturday, January 2, 2010

Menteur



Or Liar

I would love nothing more than to end disappointment. I would want no more than to simply attain a state of happiness without an anchor of regret that should have long since passed. The loneliness that seems to haunt me appears almost unending and yet, somehow, I am able to find rare moments to hope and want when I know all will end in naught but tears. I know better than I would like and because of that there is no place for blame, save myself. And of course it is myself who I blame. The imperfections I dwell upon, the compliments shrugged off, the torture I put myself through. Self-deprecation, punishment, internal conflict, and loathing. All stem from nothing but my own stupidity. I trust and hope and look forward to but end up disillusioned, saddened, and hurt. I am broken. I am without repair. There is more wrong with me than even I know and it is because of these flaws that I seek and crave attention so fiercely. It is, too, because of this that I believe I will never be able to have someone of my very own. Someone who will love me and someone who I myself can love. I fight through night after night seeking a reprieve from all that follows me, yet no matter what I buy, where I go, or what I do, the cloud lingers in my mind.

2 comments:

  1. Hello. (:

    I like your writings! Whatever you are, you're not alone. Look forward to more. Meanwhile, you can check out my page as well. It's something like yours.

    yours,

    notesaboutyouandme.blogspot.com

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  2. Thank you. I am sorry for the delayed response, life has gotten a bit turbulent (rather more so that it has already been) and it hasn't left much time for writing. I really enjoy your blog as well.

    ReplyDelete