You know me. You understand how I think, or at least I believe you do. Either way, this is probably the only clear view of me there is. And even with this fact, no matter how hard I try, I'm never where I want to be.
Friday, October 22, 2010
I often wonder what's wrong with me. I have no drive most of the time and even though I realize the magnitude of my actions, I just can't bring myself to actually do what needs to be done. Everything is rushed and last minute despite the fact that I have all the time in the world. I ask myself "Why aren't you smart like your friends?" I mean, the people I'm surrounded by are people with majors/minors like neuroscience & biology/psychology & philosophy, advertising & psychology/women and gender studies, or pre-medical students focusing on biochemistry and psychology or something.
I know i shouldn't compare myself to them and do the best I can, except I know that I'm not doing my best. I feel like sometimes as much as I know and need to try, I really just can't. It's beyond feeling like a failure, failures at least try and don't succeed. I don't even get to the end result. I really don't know what's wrong with me...
Just another unknown out of millions letting out everything I can't. I guess here is where everything that I'm so unsure of goes as well as anything I so happen to stumble upon. Just maelstrom of thoughts and emotions, a bit of mindless writing, and a dash of nonsensical feelings.