You know me. You understand how I think, or at least I believe you do. Either way, this is probably the only clear view of me there is. And even with this fact, no matter how hard I try, I'm never where I want to be.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
It's always like this. Infatuation, obsession, hopeless romanticism, call it what you will, it always ends up this way. Show me the least bit of attention and watch me go head over heels. Am I really so attention starved that just a few compliments peppered here and there throughout some conversation attracts me so very much? Am I so stupid as to believe I have a shot with any person that shows the slightest interest in me?
I must be. Despite how I recognize my irrational behavior and thought processes, I still fall prey to my own horrible habits. Why do I like someone I've only met twice? Sure, there's that great smile, pretty eyes, and awesome personality but I still don't know who they are as a person or friend. And yes, I was given attention but that doesn't mean there is interest in me.
I know I need to stop equating being nice with being interested, but how can I tell the difference if no one has been interested in the first place? I feel as though I am the easiest person to seduce. A little flirting throws me for a loop and I am in your clutches.
I need to sleep. My body is drained, sore, and ill. It's only at times like these, when I'm already physically vulnerable, does my mind decide to let loose the deluge of stupid thoughts that I hate myself for.
The times you feel most alone are the times when even your body and mind betray you.
Just another unknown out of millions letting out everything I can't. I guess here is where everything that I'm so unsure of goes as well as anything I so happen to stumble upon. Just maelstrom of thoughts and emotions, a bit of mindless writing, and a dash of nonsensical feelings.